Saturday, December 19, 2009

Tis’ the Season

This is the season we rejoice with great celebration for Christmas is the day Christ was born. Rarely do I share much of my personal being, but in this post I want to pour my heart out because this is neither my favorite season nor one that I look forward too. It is not due to a lack of faith or my strong belief in someone greater than I; who I call chose to call God. Rather, it is due to an event that will forever pain my heart. Each year during this holiday season I have to relive a dreadful horror that no parent should have to endure.

Please forgive any tears that may stain the pages as I write. If you have experienced the greatest love of all, and lost it, you feel my pain. Therefore, I will use this writing to express my feelings and to pay homage to my late son, who I miss very much. I know that I am not alone as adversity, like that which I have experienced, happens to someone every day. Therefore, to anyone experiencing adversity whether it is from health, financial issues or the pain of missing a loved one. I offer my deepest sympathy to you, particularly those who have joined this unwelcomed fraternity of losing a child.

The Christmas holiday season and welcoming the New Year will never be the same. It was a dreadful dreary cold day about eight years ago, early in the morning, when I lost my only son due to a tragic automobile accident. It was without question the worst thing imaginable and most certainly my darkest hour. This pain never seems to subside although during this season it is more painful. Adding to the sadness of this situation his death occurred on New Year’s Eve and on the morning of his son’s first birthday as we were preparing a birthday party for my grandson.

From this nightmare I have come to understand that adversity can either destroy or develop you. Unless and until you have suffered enough pain, then and only then, will you reach deep inside and feel the breath that God has breathed into your soul coming eye to eye with your destiny. Now having said that my salvation was to take this lemon (for lack of a better word) and make lemonade. What I have learned from this tragedy is that there is a definition of service that is not written in Webster’s Dictionary that says “I can heal by giving of myself to the benefit of others.”

In spite of this never before known pain that resides permanently within my soul I am very grateful that God saw fit to bless me with a wonderful grandson whose name is Elijah. So as each year passes and Elijah resembles my son more and more. The pain eases and the season becomes more bearable. I pray that my son is rejoicing in the bosom of our Lord knowing that I am here for his son in his stead. I am looking forward to the day when I see him again so we can walk around haven all day reveling in wonders of God’s kingdom.

1981 - 2001


1 comment:

Rosa Elmore Ferguson said...


While I have never felt the pain of losing a child, I do suffer an incredible sense of loss around this time of the year at the hand of a birth mom who couldn't or wouldn't keep me for whatever reason.

Like you I have tried to make lemonade with the lemons I've been given. Some days the drink is much sweeter than others but even when the drink is sour, it still soothes a parched soul.

This was a great tribute to your son.